Oh, Las Vegas. We know you think you're sinful. And your little nickname, Sin City? It's cute, really. But can we both agree that New York has you beat in this department?
Come on, a couple of hookers and now you think you're lustful? You might have legalized prostitution, but is your governor schtupping America's Most Awesome Prostie? No. No, he is not. You think you're greedy because of a few slot machines? Bitch, please. We have Bernie Madoff.
And just look at who you're hanging around with! I mean, Utah? Really? Our ugly step-child is New Jersey, for crissake. We have Tony Soprano running our sanitation department. Who's taking out your garbage, the Mormons?
The thing is, Vegas, you need to diversify your sin portfolio. Unlike you, New York has all of the seven Deadlies covered. And here at Seven Sinners We, we'll be reporting on each of them:
Greed - Wall Street and lawyers and trust funds, oh my!!
Gluttony - Have you tried the truffle oil mac 'n' cheese? Amaaaaazing.
Wrath - It's not just that we're the angriest people in the world, it's the eloquence with which we express our anger.
Pride - Ridiculous people: New York has a lot of them.
Envy - The Hamptons pad, the co-op, the private schools, the parties that I never get invited to. God, I hate you people.
Lust - 9 million people in 300 square miles. Stuff's bound to happen.
Sloth - Utterly useless activities.
Am I the only one? Whenever I read more than a few articles from The Onion in a row, my brain gets conditioned to anticipate punchlines. Halfway through a headline, I'm giddy with premature joculation.
Posts
