Lady readers, have you ever left a date thinking to yourself: "Duuude, if you just would have done X and not done Y, you totally would have gotten laid. But now I can't. I just can't." This needs to stop. It's been wayyy too long since I've felt inspired to hop into bed with anyone. Sometimes I feel like writing down helpful suggestions for next time these guys ask a girl out --- at least she'll get some action then. And so, with this in mind, the first installment of a series I like to call "If I Were a Dude, I Would Totally Get Laid." Enjoy.
The First Few Dates: Situation Under Control
Sometimes I'm a little baffled by the places guys take me on dates. I mean, there's nothing wrong with Angelo and Maxie's, per se. But guys, let me make something very clear: loud steakhouses are a total cock block. Go there with your guy friends, even your female friends, but don't go there on a date. Likewise, I often enjoy the beer sampler at Heartland Brewery...when I'm with friends. Do you want to be my friend? One of my drinking buddies? Didn't think so.
Just put a little thought into it. It's actually not that hard. Go to nymag.com (if you live in New York, or yelp.com if you live elsewhere) and do a search for "Romantic" restaurants within your price-range that are in her neighborhood. And voila! You've probably got yourself an establishment that will not end your chances of getting laid that night.
But first I must -- must -- stress that you should always go into the date with a plan. If you're going to take her to dinner, make a reservation. Seriously, it's an easy way to not look all flustered and not in control of the situation on your date, but so many guys just blow it off. Women like when men have the Situation Under Control. We like when we hear the hostess say "Right this way, Mr. Smith." We do not like when we hear you say "Uh...so they said it'll be a 40 minute wait. I guess we could wait at the bar? Or go to, like, another place? I don't know...what do you think?" The latter is an example of not having the Situation Under Control, and it is not hot.
Next: Take your date to a lounge or bar near the restaurant approximately one hour before your reservation. This serves as a kind of buffer period so that you can act all relaxed and accommodating and not the least bit worried about losing the reservation if she happens to be running ridiculously late (see above for importance of having the Situation Under Control).
Advanced level tips: (1) When you're making the reservation, always ask for a corner booth so you can sit next to her instead of across the table like you're at a job interview. This also gives you the opportunity to initiate physical contact without doing the awkward, across-the-table hand-holding thing, which is just kind of weird on a first or second date anyway. (2) Dessert is sexy but she's probably not going to order it and might even say she doesn't want it. This is one instance in which "no" actually does mean "yes," so order something for you to split. This also makes you seem indulgent, which is always nice.
Just put a little thought into it. It's actually not that hard. Go to nymag.com (if you live in New York, or yelp.com if you live elsewhere) and do a search for "Romantic" restaurants within your price-range that are in her neighborhood. And voila! You've probably got yourself an establishment that will not end your chances of getting laid that night.
But first I must -- must -- stress that you should always go into the date with a plan. If you're going to take her to dinner, make a reservation. Seriously, it's an easy way to not look all flustered and not in control of the situation on your date, but so many guys just blow it off. Women like when men have the Situation Under Control. We like when we hear the hostess say "Right this way, Mr. Smith." We do not like when we hear you say "Uh...so they said it'll be a 40 minute wait. I guess we could wait at the bar? Or go to, like, another place? I don't know...what do you think?" The latter is an example of not having the Situation Under Control, and it is not hot.
Next: Take your date to a lounge or bar near the restaurant approximately one hour before your reservation. This serves as a kind of buffer period so that you can act all relaxed and accommodating and not the least bit worried about losing the reservation if she happens to be running ridiculously late (see above for importance of having the Situation Under Control).
Advanced level tips: (1) When you're making the reservation, always ask for a corner booth so you can sit next to her instead of across the table like you're at a job interview. This also gives you the opportunity to initiate physical contact without doing the awkward, across-the-table hand-holding thing, which is just kind of weird on a first or second date anyway. (2) Dessert is sexy but she's probably not going to order it and might even say she doesn't want it. This is one instance in which "no" actually does mean "yes," so order something for you to split. This also makes you seem indulgent, which is always nice.
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